Personality Development – Falling in love with yourself

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Falling in love with yourself

February, 2020

Personality Development – Falling in love with yourself

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It’s great to be in love! We have more energy and enthusiasm for life. We have a more positive outlook towards everything that we do, even for the most mundane and daily tasks. This feeling is never planned; it just hits us out of nowhere. Sometimes it happens over time and sometimes it takes us by surprise. The feeling itself is somewhat different for every person, and yet it is an experience that can be collectively understood. Being in love has many health and mental benefits, according to psychologists.

Although there are many studies that have stated differences in falling or being on love and loving someone, but, any state of mind in love has been good for us. So, if you are wondering that at the onset of Valentine’s Day, we are going to write about loving someone, then you are wrong! We are talking about an entire new dimension of being in love with ‘youself’!

It’s a well-proven fact that being in love is good for us. But what about loving ourselves? For many of us, self-love might seem like a luxury rather than a requirement. Self-care and compassion might actually be required most by those of us who work extremely hard and who are constantly determined to exceed ourselves and grasp the shape-shifting illusion of perfection.

For instance, society idolises outspoken, confident individuals. Remember those chatty kids in school, who would perform at school plays and lead class assemblies? Quietness is linked to introversion which isn’t embraced in a world full of people who are constantly telling you to be a “people person”.

Most of the time, when we're being too tough on ourselves, we do it because we're obsessed by a desire to excel and do everything right, all the time. This involves a lot of self-criticism, and that inner voice that constantly tells us how we could've done things better as a mark of perfectionism. Many women are directly affected by criticism on their body image issues, self worth, earning capacities, eating issues and many more...

So, what stops us from loving ourself? These are the top 3 reasons why people can wallow and hinder oneself in finding love within:

1. The Perfectionist Hat!

Do you find yourself constantly criticizing and being difficult on one’s looks, behavior, habits or responses? If you have a strong shadow of judgement lurking around and hounding you on being perfect all the time, release yourself from such shackles and be more kind to oneself today! Self-kindness entails being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail or feel insufficient, rather than beating ourselves with self-criticism.

Realize that failures, mistakes, and set-backs offer valued lessons. Look for opportunities to grow professionally and personally and be watchful going forward of how to use these teachings in your present and future.

2. The Eternal Negative self – talker hat

Negative self-talk is something that many of us experience from time to time, and it comes in many ways and means. It creates notable stress, not only to us but to those around us if we're not cautious.

Everyone has an inner voice. This voice acts as a two-faced sword, at times. It can be helpful and keeps us motivated towards goals - like when this little voice prompts us that what we're about to eat isn't healthy or what we're about to do may not be sensible.

However, this little voice can act sheepishly and often be more damaging than helpful, mainly when it gets into the realm of excessive negativity. This is recognized as negative self-talk, and it can really bring us down.

In addition to negative self-talk, we can also simply slide into the practice of focusing on our weaknesses instead of celebrating our strengths. For example, I sometimes put myself down, because I’m not good at giving time and maintaining friendships with the hustle and bustle of life. It’s not that I don’t like to spend time with them, it’s just that there are more priorities that could come in the way and make this juggling of roles quite arduous.

But if we look down on ourselves regularly for the things, we’re not good at, it’s going to be hard to like ourselves as much as we could. So, in addition to trying to improve our weaknesses, we have to retell ourselves of what we are good at. Focusing on Strengths will only keep you micro-managing the weaknesses.

3. The Worrier of what others will say hat

Personality Development – Falling in love with yourself

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When other people have opinions of you, they are most probably not 100% accurate version of you and your feelings. They are their perceptions and created with many past experiences, values, judgements, fears at their end. But, what stops us from loving and appreciating ourselves? Typically, it’s our fear of what other people might think about us.

Let’s say our friends, they all have the same opinion about a political topic, so we decide not to share our different point of view. Or maybe our friends like a particular genre of movies, and so we decide not to talk about the kinds of movie we like.

We hold back because we are scared of the possible consequences — consequences like them thinking we're weird or not their type or being excluded from the group.

Ask yourself who is the the selfless, most truthful person with you? It’s yourself. It’s you who can solely know your true feelings, image, thoughts, experience and fears. The choice is yours – the choice is to love and accept yourself entirely.

When people start loving and accepting themselves more each day, it’s amazing how their lives change for the better. They feel good. They get the dreams fulfilled as they want. They have the money they need. Their relationships either improve, or the negative ones go away and new ones commence. They get new energies. They get new purpose.

Because loving ourselves is the key for our overall well-being, contentment and success, it seems apparent that we should focus our energy and intention on falling in love with ourselves all over again this Valentine.

As we celebrate Valentine’s week, we could list down 7 super ways to fall in love with yourself all over again and nurture a deep appreciation for who you truly are:

  1. Keep a success journal: List down your actions every day. Evaluate your entries at the end of the week and summarize what this says about your progress. When your thinking is negative, this repetitive activity supports positive self-talk by building new mental path ways.

  2. Do something pleasant for yourself on a regular basis: Buy yourself flowers, book a spa session, go to the theatre or take a solo trip. Show yourself how much you value who you are. Pamper yourself on a solo-moon!

  3. Be your own best friend: Reflect on about how kind and sympathetic we are with our best friends. Have those heartening and motivating conversations with yourself.

  4. Do not compare yourself with every neighbor: I know that the grass is greener on the other side but if you water your own side, you will reach a stage of fulfilment. Feelsatified for every breath and every step you take. From small smiles to big hugs, every day is full of happiness that only you need to witness and acknowledge. Gratitude is a sure ticket to grateful hearts and happier relationships.

  5. Pardon yourself for your mistakes: Continually thrashing yourself up for what you did in the past is not going to help. Show compassion and forgiveness towards yourself and be in the present. Present is the gift that you can give yourself every day.

  6. Give up the search of reciprocative love outside yourself. Unconditional love is the core in yourself only. The longest love story that one can ever have is with oneself. External love and people’s responses towards yourself is a bottomless black hole. It can suck your energies and create an emptiness.

  7. Stop overcommitting and accomodating other people in your circle of energy. When you keep giving too much outside your circle, you face disappointment, anger, fears, frustration and more. Women are natural caregivers and end up equating themselves with their varied roles. But it’s time to let go and seek mindfulness for one’s own well being.

Personality Development – Falling in love with yourself

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Self-rejection, doubt, neglect are painful states of mind. Everyone deserves to be happy. We have the right to be accepted and loved. If necessary, seek help from a support group, mentor or coach. It’s the greatest investment that you can make.

Because we are all interconnected with each other, when I love me, I also love you. Love is our drive, our true calling. It begins with and within each of us.

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be the only day of the year that we show our deep love for others and ourselves. Make ‘loving yourself’ an everyday practice for your continuous well-being, happiness and success.

This valentine, be your own valentine!

If you’d like to tread on this journey of self discovery and attain overall development in thought, attitude and behavior, do write to us on and help yourself to find the diamond in you!

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Also read: Six Super Workplace Tips to Empower Women Entrepreneurs

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